Beautiful

Lately I have been reading a lot of articles on baby weight, post partum weight, how easy it is to lose, how hard it is to lose, etc.  Being a first time mom, and seeing other pregnancies, I did think it would be an easy thing to do. I started showing a "baby bump" around 10 weeks, and some would comment saying I was huge for 10 weeks.  Boy, didn't that make me feel awesome (not really).  I absolutely loved that I was showing, but I did not appreciate the comments.  For some reason, pregnancy can bring out the right to comment on a woman's weight, right when her hormones are getting wacky, and saying you are "huge" is a step in the wrong direction! :-)

11 weeks Pregnant

I tried to take it all in stride.  "They don't mean I am fat" "They don't know what they are saying", but the words still hurt.  As most women, I have always struggled with my weight.  I have never been overweight, but would always "feel fat".  What's with that? Media? Social media? Comparing ourselves with our peers? But it was always a thorn in my side.  Seeing photos on magazines while waiting in line at the grocery store, seeing posts on Facebook, especially stupid ads that appear on my own page about weight loss.  This is also the time of year that the TV ads come out.

17 weeks, and healthy!

My husband has always been my biggest cheerleader.  He always tells me I am beautiful.  The things I hate about my body, he loves.  I still have to work on accepting that.  He is my biggest fan.  I am about 30lbs heavier than when we first met, but he doesn't care about that. When I was single and a college student I was very lonely, and not feeling like anyone would ever be interested in me.  I always felt like something was wrong with me, and since I didn't know what was wrong, I couldn't work on fixing it.  So I sometimes would not eat for a while, and when I did, it was not healthy food.  I would also eat food as a measure of comfort.  I was not anorexic or bulimic, but close to it. Thankfully, I came around and began to be more comfortable with my body.

2008, very small and alone, even in a crowd.

2009, on a date with this guy named Josh :-)

They say that when you are happy, (get married), that you gain weight.  Well I guess that is true for me.  Josh has made me incredibly happy.  Someone who accepted me for me, never any strings attached.  But I still struggled with my body image.  When I was pregnant I absolutely loved my baby bump so much, I was so in love with my baby before I even met him.  I do miss being pregnant a lot. But I always felt like my face looked puffy, blah blah blah.

I gained over 40lbs when I was pregnant.  The normal range is 25-35lbs, but I attribute the excess gain from being on bed rest for 6 weeks, and unable to walk off all the meals I had in bed for over a month period.

When I gave birth to Caleb, I lost 20lbs right away, and then another 10lbs from breastfeeding. I also still seem to retain water like I am a thirsty bay at high tide.   Right now I am overweight, but still somewhat happy with where I am.  I have a long way to go, and I will get there. But I need to lose weight for the right reasons.  Not because all my post partum friends did it faster than me, but because I want to be healthy.

Six months post partum

10 months post partum

 All of us Mommies are beautiful.  We had an actual human being grow on the inside of us.  They depended on us for their life.  It would be so amazing, if we could  be there for each other and encourage each other that we ARE beautiful...strong, courageous, and so much more...and stop comparing ourselves to anyone, even though it is easier said than done.  I know I am far from perfect in any way, but I hope I can encourage someone that they are majestic as they are.  Even if you have not had a baby, your body is a beautiful temple.

My reason for staying healthy, and beautiful.