Getting back up

April 2001 was a milestone of sorts for me.  I was learning to drive. My dad had bought a new family car, a Pontiac Sunfire, and in 2001 there were a lot more of them around. It was a nice shiny, brand new car.  The next day, Dad and I went out for a drive, and he put me in the drivers seat so I could get some more practice.  I was just about ready to get my full license.  We drove all over the Valley.  Port Williams, Kingsport Beach, etc.  It was a mild, sunny day.  I even remember we were listening to Kerry Livgren's "Decade" CD. We drove through Canning, up the North Mountain.

Lovely Kingsport Beach

When we got to the top, we turned left towards Halls Harbour.  I remember thinking I REALLY had to go pee...serious.  I knew I would have to wait until we got to the Harbour.  No more than 30 seconds passed when we came to the Baxter's Harbour Rd intersection when a car flew at high speed through the stop sign and t-boned us on the front of the car, drivers side.  The air bags deployed, and the car spun a few times and landed in the ditch.  It felt like slow motion. I remember the smell of smoke, powder from the airbags, and somehow getting out of the car and landing in a small snowbank, and some nearby farmers ran over to assist us.  Dad ran to check on the other driver.  He had not been wearing a seatbelt, and had landed on the passenger side, and was trapped.  He was drunk.  I kept thinking "I killed someone, I killed someone" and apologizing to Dad for crashing the car. After that is a blur, with vague memories of paramedics and firefighters, and being strapped to a backboard with blood on my face from the airbag sending my fist into my nose.  The paramedics had to cut my jeans up to my hip because my leg was hurt.  I did not see the car until a few days later at the junkyard, and it was a write off. The front end like a piece of tinfoil folded in someone's hand.

That day was in a way a nightmare. I saw "my life flash before my eyes".  If that car had of hit us a second or two later, he would have hit us driver side, and I would have been killed.  At 1:00pm, his blood alcohol level was through the roof.  He told the police that his buddy was driving his car, and had run off.  Months later, Dad and I had to testify in court against him.  I don't remember the outcome, except we did get a small cash settlement, and another new car.

I did not want to drive again. For days after the accident, I could not be in a quiet room because I would constantly hear the "BANG" of metal against metal.  I had whiplash and back pain, which still affects me today.  What also affects me is the memory, and the sense of gratefulness that no one was killed.  I did not want to get behind the wheel of a car again.

I have always felt very close to my dad.  I don't know why.  Maybe because he was the first to hold me when I was born.  I read in a note that when I was an hour old, I was very fussy and crying, but when my dad reached into the isolette, I stopped crying and was still.  I have always felt a bond with him.  A month or so after the accident, he was driving with me to my Nan's in Port Williams.  He pulled over to the side of the road, and told me to get into the drivers seat.  My heart pounded.  Every time I was in town and someone would pull out from an intersection or a driveway, I would flinch. I still get nervous now, but not as bad.  He said if I did not get back into the drivers seat, I would regret it.  So I did it. I took my time, and we made it to Nan's. In July 2001, I got my full drivers license, thanks to my dad.

Daddy's girl from day one. June 1982, born 10 weeks premature.

This day would not have happened were it not for the Grace of God looking out for us that day.

Happy, healthy, and now a Wife and Mommy, standing with my Dad in Fredericton.

Just like Caleb learning to walk, all he needed to begin, was Confidence.  In life, if you fall off a horse, you get right back on.  Don't let a setback change the course of your life.  This applies to all areas of life.  The horse I have to get back on is to get back into a Church fellowship.  We are taking one step at a time, one day a time.  Thank you God for sparing us, and for blessing us beyond what we ever dreamed.

Walking the walk....

Well today Caleb hit a huge milestone. He is walking! It is hard in this social media world to not compare and think well maybe he is walking a little late, but each and every baby hits their own milestone when they are ready.  Today was his day! Walking before a year does not make a baby any smarter than one walking at 14 months.  It just means he was taking his sweet time.  He has walked for months with assistance, but was very hesitant to let go of our finger or anything stable, so his legs have had plenty of practice.  I am so proud of my little boy, and I am so glad I did not miss it.  Pretty soon we will be running to catch up with him :-)

Writers Block

It has been a while since I have written anything here, mostly because I don't know what to say.  I guess that is called "writers block".  There are so many things I could say, but I won't say yet.  I am still dealing with heavy emotions, and wanting to do and say the right thing.  I have had to block some people from my Facebook, as sometimes I get heated when I see some things they say online, and I also do not want to hurt them by what I say.  I tend to post a lot on religion, and the dangers, because I came out of two churches on very dangerous roads.  When someone does not see the wrong in the place they are in, they will just look at my posts and hate me, and I do not want that.  Relationships should be more than social media anyway. We all tend to say things online that we would never say to someones face, even if we think we are "correcting" that person.

Actions usually speak louder than words. Our action was we left Nova Scotia to start a new life for us, apart from the church that deeply hurt us.  Some may see it as a betrayal, but they do not see everything (yet).  It took me years to get over the hurt of the previous church I attended before I met Josh.  I was an angry person coming out of there.  But now I have come to accept that there was nothing I could do, but move on, and move on I did.  God knows our hearts, and is the ultimate healer.  We are learning over again to trust in Him, and walk with Him again.  It is a process, a painful process. We are so incredibly thankful for true friends that stood beside us and did not ignore us.

On the topic of heavy emotions.  Some believe that emotions are bad, and we are not to be "controlled" by them.  Usually those people are.  There are good, and bad emotions, but they are there to work through, not to ignore.  A lot of Christians can't stand the thought of having to deal with anyone who shows their emotions if they are not always good.  We must be in sin if we are having a bad day, or we are being controlled by our emotions. Sometimes people just need someone to LISTEN, and not try to solve the issue of why we feel the way we do...by posting scriptures online pertaining to the issue.  That is called "Proof-Texting". It can be dangerous, and we need to be careful if we are doing that. Here is a link to an explanation of proof-texting:

http://www.reclaimingthemind.org/blog/2010/09/the-problem-with-proof-texting/

Having any kind of emotion is not bad, it is healthy and wise to feel them, release them, and move on.  But not rushed so to ignore them as if you never had any feeling.  It is also not wise to always follow a person whether it be a pastor, author, or speaker, and not be able to back it up.  I used to be one to literally worship (I didn't realize it at the time), a Pastor, and it is dangerous! The only one deserving of our worship is the Lord.

Shawn Annis of Faith Christian Fellowship in Moncton sums it up well:

Faith, fear, and unbelief are not choices you make. Nobody in the history of the human race has chosen an emotion.

"Faith cometh by..." It's a fruit of a root. That root is who Jesus is and what He has done for you.

Compassionless condemnation tells a person he/she has "chosen" fear or unbelief. 

See Jesus in His grace and He will see you in His faith.

On a much brighter note, our little guy is 14 months old today! He is an amazing ray of sunshine in our lives, and I am so so so happy we have him.  Although I am not expecting right now, I am looking forward to him having a sibling someday ;-)  Children are such a blessing from the Lord, and we take seriously the task of raising him, and I hope and pray he will be a responsible, respectful, fun loving man who will always love others.  It is fun to see his personality grow along with him.

Saving the world, one diaper at a time

It is now 4:56pm, and the sun is still shining very brightly.  Don't forget to put the clocks ahead tomorrow night! Although now most clocks and phones do that themselves :-) The temperature is also above zero...horrrraaaayyyy!!!